Go Ask Alice
Margarite
“I find myself in a situation where I feel falsely accused and am having a difficult struggle with it. I know I need to and want to forgive, but am still dealing with a lot of hurt and anger. You talk about letting go of the pain and dealing with it in a constructive way. I am not sure what that constructive way is. I sometimes see a counselor and she is trying to help me, but I still am having difficulty. It sounds so easy whey you read it, but for me it is not. Any help would be much appreciate.”
Alice
“Usually when someone (like yourself) has been deeply hurt, often times there is a boundary issue. There is a really good book that I highly recommend for you to read, that had transformed my life. It is called Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. I believe it will give you much insight and tools to come through these problems and become stronger through all of it.
Another thing I suggest for you to do is to journal. I have found journalling to be one of the best ways to forgive and release deep inner pain. It is a safe place to write my honest feelings without hurting anyone. I express exactly how I feel using whatever words I wish, knowing that when I finish, it will be shredded up. I get all my feeling down and paper, stating how angry I am and how unfair the situation was. When I finish writing the letter to him/her, I close with saying, “never-the-less as an act of my will I make a conscious decision to forgive you.” It is not a one time event, I may be good for an hour or a day and when I start getting mad at them again, I write another letter, and keep doing it until I have truly forgiven them. I know when I have forgiven by no longer being emotionally involved. When I can talk about what happened without bursting out in tears, I know I have forgiven. Remember forgivness is not about getting them off the hook – it is about getting the hook out of you. I trust this will help.”
