Being gutsy is a necessary quality to make positive changes in our lives.  Just recently I had to make some decisions to produce some radical changes in my life.  It seemed clear to me what I needed to do, yet difficult to have the courage to do it.  I was overcome with the fear of getting out of my comfort zone.  As I pondered the question “What does it take to create the life style I desire?”  I had to admit that being a risk-taker was a threat to my security.  Yet what is security?  Is it false security?  And what is my security based on?

As I pondered the answers to these questions, I had to admit that I needed courage.  The definition of courage is the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger or pain without fear.  Courage means being brave to act in accordance with one’s beliefs, in spite of criticism. 

Having courage is not just about little tiny me, being all by myself, tying to stand up to huge giants, bigger and more powerful than I.  It takes having the right perspective and mind set to conquer the fear of moving out of your comfort zone.  I can have courage because of the One who is with me.  Besides what am I so afraid of?  Am I afraid of making a mistake, being misunderstood, or afraid of not knowing the next step?  What is the root cause of my fear?  Sometimes fear is not at all rational.  Will someone put a gun to my head because I make a mistake?

In the movie “The Pursuit of Happiness” there is a scene where the dad (Will Smith) tells his son, “Don’t ever let anyone tell you, you can’t do something.  Not even me.  Alright?  You got to dream.  You got to protect it.  People can’t do something themselves, so they want to tell you, you can’t do it.  You want something, go get it!  Period.”

It is time to let go of excuses and stop blaming your circumstances for not living the life you desire.  What fears are stopping you from achieving your dreams?  Are you ready to demonstrate courage and move out of your comfort zone?  If you want something – go after it.

The first step in healing and growth are awareness and acceptance.  Learning self-acceptance did not come easy for me.  All my weaknesses, insecurities and flaws haunted me like a bad nightmare.  Once I accepted the fact that I was full of self-hate, I was then able to deal with it.  I cannot change traits I insist I do not have.  It is not acceptance but denial that leaves me stuck.  I am not moved to change those things whose reality I deny. I have learned that I must accept the things I cannot change, and change the things I can.

When we fight a block it grows stronger.  If I deny and disown what is, how will I be inspired to grow?  We can run not only from our dark side but also from our bright side – from anything that threatens to make us stand out.”

I have discovered that the more I admit my imperfections, the less frightening they become.  James 5:16 tells us to “Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed.”  Healing comes to those who admit that they need it.

We do not necessarily have to like what we see, but we recognize that which is, is, and that which is not, is not.  This awareness of admitting what is leads us to acceptance.  Believing that our thoughts have value, leads us to be open, honest, and appropriate in our communications, because we welcome clarity rather than fear it.  There is no shame in admitting my mistakes, the shame comes when I deny and defend my flaws.

Accepting my strengths and my weaknesses gave me a new freedom.  It destroyed all traces of self-hate and allowed me to be a friend to myself.  As I learned the skill of loving and accepting myself, it opened doors for me to love and accept others.

Most of my life believing that I was a victim made it difficult for me to take responsibility for my own actions and goals.  I believed it was someone else’s job to make me happy.  Until I accepted responsibility for my own life, I remained a child.

Now I accept myself for who I am and it has transformed my life.  It has given me the freedom to change what I can, and accept what I cannot change.  Self-Acceptance is a gift that offers dividends into every area of our life.

Free photo courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Attaining a Cheerful Attitude

Even if you inherited the family frown instead of the genes of joy, you’re not fated to a life of gloom.  I have good news for you.  Nehemiah 8:10 says, “The joy of the Lord is our strength.”

Proverbs 17:22 says “A cheerful heart is good medicine.”  Happy people are more creative and productive, earn more money, attract more friends, enjoy better marriages, stay healthier and even outlive their grumpier peers.

If you feel like you have been singing the blues far too long, here are seven questions to ask yourself.

1. Do you depend on external things to make you happy?  Do you tell yourself when you get a bigger house, receive a better job, get married – then you’ll be happy?  You must look beyond fleeting pleasures.  Happiness comes from the inside.
2. What are you thinking about?  If you keep thinking about your less than perfect appearance, your low bank account, the empty cupboards and lack of friends – you’ll surely feel depressed.  Even in the midst of problems, there are solutions.  Think about all the things you are thankful for.
3. What are you saying?  If you are constantly feeling sorry for yourself and whining, it will increase your negative mood.  Proverbs 21:23 says, “Whoever guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from troubles.”
4. When was the last time you laughed?  Start singing and dancing and consciously putting a smile on your face.  Look to the bright side of life and things that make you laugh.  Invest your time in things that you enjoy.
5. Who can you encourage?  Reach out and help someone.  There is an incredible joy that comes in bringing sunshine to someone’s day by demonstrating an act of kindness.  Proverbs 11:25 says, “The generous soul will be made rich, and he who waters will also be watered himself.”

You can start having a positive outlook in life by instilling these seven habits into your life.  Today is your day to turn that frown into a smile.

We are to be free to be the person God created us to be.  Just recently I had a conversation with friends and we were discussing the meaning of authenticity.  One person commented how some people are very different in their private life compared to their public life.  For example if a person has anger issues and yells at the children, yet in the public they pretendto be a sweet little person, they are not being true to themselves.  Being authentic means we don’t have secrets to hide.  Perhaps we need to deal with the anger so that we are genuine in our “sweetness”.  If we are trying to deceive others, we will be deceived ourselves.

Integrity means being whole, entire, or undiminished in moral and ethical principles.  It involves being honest and truthful in sound character and not living a double standard.  By telling others to “Do as I say, and not as I do” are we being a hypocrite?  A hypocrite is a fraud and a phony.  Most people find this behaviour repulsive, especially the ones who see us behind closed doors.

If I am a disrespectful and selfish liar, perhaps I’d be better off to act like a jerk all the time.  If so, then at least I would be an authentic jerk!  Those who know the “true me”, are probably tired of the act and wish others knew the truth about who I really am.

During my childhood being the youngest of six children made it difficult for me to make my own decisions and choose for myself what was truly authentic.  I was like a chameleon, changing with the environment.  It took me many years to discover who I wanted to be and to be consistent in being the real me, all the time.  Even as an adult I struggled in learning to be genuine and transparent.

Being authentic involves deciding who you want to be and then being that person all the time.  We allow everything in our lives to be a true reflection of who we really are.  Being authentic brings harmony and true contentment.  There are no secrets to hide and those closest to you enjoy the consistency of you being your true self all the time.  If you despise hypocrites, be a good role model by being the real you, all the time.

As a child I remember people saying to me, “Who do you think you are?”  Actually that is a good question to ponder.  Who do I think I am?  I’m not sure about you, but I have struggled most of my life with low self-esteem.  I suppose my fear of becoming proud was so strong that it kept me feeling inferior.  Unconsciously I felt that liking myself was a sin.  I thought that being humble meant being a constant critic to myself.

Self-development and personal growth are not evil, they are necessary to fulfill God’s plan.  In 1996, when God gave me a desire to develop public speaking abilities, it was not the devil tempting me or my own selfish desire to become infallible and live a life without God.  Joining Toastmasters and becoming competent as a speaker was indeed part of God’s plan for me.  God and I are a team, and I am responsible to do my part and to trust Him to do His.  You can not act beyond the vision of who you are.  Who you think you are has a significant impact in your life.

Proverbs 23:7 tells us that “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.”  The gravitational pull of your self-limiting beliefs will involve self-sabotage.  Experiencing constant doubts about your ability to think, learn and to deal with the challenges of life will cause you to give up and not make your best effort.  If you believe you are a failure, you will act like one.  It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Self-management and self-expression are not evil.  Proverbs 16:3 encourages us to put God in charge of our plans so that we will be successful in carrying them out to completion.  Allow the Lord to confront your negative beliefs and show you the truth about who you are.

Learn to change that inner monologue from critical self-talk to a positive conversation.  Possess an attitude of self-acceptance and don’t be judgmental toward self and others.  Learn to think in healthy ways about yourself.

Trust God enough that He created you for a specific purpose.  In everything you do, ask God for His help and trust Him to direct you.  Begin to cooperate with Him in being the best you there could ever be.  Take some time to ponder the question: who do you think you are?